Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
