We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
