I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
