Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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