I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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