I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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