i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
