Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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