His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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