tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
