You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
