Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
