the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
