end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
