I feel like abortions should bother me more
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
