my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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