I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
