Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
