from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sext me about skeletons
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
