if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
