Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
