She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
smell my finger.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
