If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
