i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
