You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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