Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
