your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
