So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
