I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
