I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
