Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
