I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
