im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
