You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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