if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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