I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
