The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
