I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
