really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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