She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
