Porn is love you can see.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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