I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
