Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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