and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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