i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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