i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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