Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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