You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
