Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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