just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
