Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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