well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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